Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
