if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
