he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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