GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
