haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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