On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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