what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am available for nakedness
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
