I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
