I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
