tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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