When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
