Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
