two words: eviction party
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
