Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
