During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
