It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
