please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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