Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
