She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
