I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
