Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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