btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
