Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
