if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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