Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
