so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
