if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
