I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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