he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
