By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
