Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
