I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
