I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
