Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
