Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
