cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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