i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
