I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
