I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
