i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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