Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
