I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
