Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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