She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
