The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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