Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
