i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
