Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
