We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
