I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
