Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
