i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
