Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
