i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
