never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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