Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
