I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize