This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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