so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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