Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
