What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
