just come out here and I will go home with you...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
