i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
